April 29, 2007 1:45 PM

on the stupid things i do...

Man, I feel horrible.

I’ve been trying hard lately to live the life that God wants me to lead. I’ve been trying harder that I’ve ever tried before and I feel like I’m making progress, but then something stupid happens and I act like an idiot.

When you become saved there is supposed to be a change. The desires of your heart are supposed to change. I can honestly say that my heart desires to do the things God wants me too, but I still mess up so much…

Last night I started feeling really depressed (which happens semi often), proceeded to get drunk and then email an ex girlfriend telling her how much I missed her. (btw as much as I do miss this particular girl I don’t think it would ever work out and I’ve moved on. I’m actually trying not to even focus on girls at the moment)

I feel horrible about the whole thing because I feel like I take one step towards God and then do something stupid and take two away from him.

And then I ask for forgiveness, but I feel like God is thinking, “Zack I’ve heard this from you before, but regardless you still keep doing stupid things like this. Why should I believe you this time? You’ve said these words before, but here you are again at square one”

I just don’t know what to do anymore…

Posted by zackery at April 29, 2007 1:45 PM

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